I realised a long time ago that the only person that was ever going to save me from myself is me.

And I try. I even make some headway occasionally.

But the isolation just gets to you sometimes. Like tonight. When it’s Friday and I’m tooling around on my computer. Too poor to go out anywhere with people.

And too much of an isolated social leper to just hang out with someone quietly and have a conversation over a drink or two somewhere. Or at least, not a conversation I would like to have with anyone I would like to have one with at this time of night.

I know I want to be saved. But that is stupidly unrealistic and impractical and highly ineffective.

But for two years I’ve been saving myself and like a horribly ineffective Jebus, I sadly haven’t made much progress. Probably my unconventional methods, or my lack of conformity, or a HUUUUGE denial about needing to normalise parts of my life that I am resistant to fall back to…

but just a little support from an intimate confidant… It would be nice… for a change…

Just to be known. And understood. And the subject of interest and study…

A large wad of cash maybe… >_>